Bridge Game Stories to Make You Laugh

'Would you care for a friendly game of cards?'
'No, let's play bridge.'

'Are you vacant to play in the Individual Championship?'
'No, of course not. Do you reckon I want twenty-seven uncommon partners mad at me?'

The late Keith McNeil was one of the best-known and best-liked characters on the Australian join scene. He bought international fame through his regularly hilarious, invariably witty Bidding Forum, a regular figure of Australian Bridge magazine. While he was the regular join columnist for the Adelaide Daily Mail he recited, tongue-in-cheek, his methods for production with players with whom he was not on the best of terms.

1. If you dislike someone, do not write up their excellent hands.
2. If you really dislike someone, write up their terrible hands.
3. If you dislike someone intensely, write up someone else's terrible hands but attribute them to the player you dislike.
4. If you absolutely and utterly dislike intensely someone, write up their excellent hands but attribute their fine play to their partner.

'When did you learn to play bridge? I know it was this daylight but what time this morning?'

Definition of a join expert : a player who is so well-informed about join that he can criticise his partner's game without exposing his own vast ignorance.

'How must I have played that hand?'
'Under an assumed name.'

'Why are you so glum?'
'The doctor told me I can't play bridge.'
'Aha. So he's played with you, too?'

'I have this terrible inferiority complicated about my bridge.'
'Don't interest yourself.'
'No?'
'No. Your join really is inferior.'

Question : What do you have when you have four players arguing with each other, all shouting at the same time, all objecting to a ruling made by the Director?
Answer : A din of inequity.

Sam Goldwyn, the well-known motion picture producer, once scolded his join partner for overbidding her hand.
'But how could I know you had nothing?' she asked.
'Didn't you hear me keeping still?' was the reply.

The term 'plotch' is join slang for a dreadful mistake, a blunder. After two honest errors, declarer contrived to make yet another mistake. Canberra's Bill Gray, who can spin join yarns all day long, was defending and announced : 'Aha. The plotch thickens.'

At a regional championship in Ottowa, a local player opened with 1 Diamond and the partner of the visiting expert made a jump overcall of 2 Spades. The third player doubled.
The expert waited for some clarification of the double but none was forthcoming. After stewing for some time, he turned to the starter and complained testily : 'At the clubs everywhere I play, we alert our unenthusiastic doubles.'
The starter turned to the expert and answered prudishly : 'At the clubs everywhere I play, we don't play unenthusiastic doubles.'
Expert and his partner went -800 in 2 Spades doubled.

WEST : 'Oh dear, partner. North is declarer again. Now you're vacant to have to find another terrible lead.'

South, writing in the notch : '5 Diamonds doubled - by East - down four vulnerable - minus 1100.'
North, to East : 'You got yourselves in a knot there.'
East : We certainly did. Our path was paved with not anything but excellent conventions.'

http://www.RonKlingerBridge.com 2009
Ron Klinger is probably the world's leading bridge author and teacher with more than fifty books to his credit. He is also an Australian Grand Master and a World Bridge Federation International Master.